Challenging my Fears and LIfe Changes

Fears- they are something people encounter daily. They can be as small as being afraid of the monster under your bed, or more serious like being afraid of not having anything to eat for your next meal. No matter how big or small, everyone has them. Fear is always present and there’s no way to avoid it. The world is full of fear; it wanders about freely, creeping into our minds, eating at us until we snap. It loves to stay in our brains and remind us of all the hate in the world. There has not been a day in my life where I have not been afraid of something; it is inevitable to avoid fears. I think that the only thing you can do is embrace them. I have so many fears going into this. For starters I am afraid to travel to another continent without my parents, leave my sister for two weeks, and just be away from home. But these are only the minor ones. I am afraid that after seeing the conditions the children live in and go to school in I will freeze and not be able to help them to my full ability. I am afraid I won't know how to react, so in response, I won't do anything. These have always been my fears and I think they always will be as long as I am a part of CGA. I know that I have been able to overcome them in the past, but I can't say the same for the future: those feelings are almost the hardest part. Since I have been able to confront and conquer my fears on past trips, if I do not succeed this time I will feel like an even bigger failure. I just want to make the children feel like they are worth something. That they are important and their capabilities are limitless. I want to show them that they can do anything with their life and are not held to lower expectations. I knew that I had started the next chapter of my life as I entered high school. New school, new friends, new challenges. But I didn't know that starting high school meant I had ended one. I have been ignoring the fact that I am growing up. I love thinking that I could just be a kid forever with no worries and responsibilities. But that is not the reality; I now have to start thinking about my future, like what college I want to go to and eventually what kind of life I would like to live. I rely so much on people around me for emotional, mental, and physical support. I have amazing bonds with my friends and family, they have helped me grow as a person and helped me through every aspect in life. However, I believe that the next step for me is to break out of my comfort zone and become more independent. I believe that traveling to Tanzania will help me do this. Although I believe that teaching will be a huge challenge for me, I will hopefully learn to problem solve on my own with little help from peers, teachers, or chaperones. I know it is important to have special people who are with you every step of the way, but I want to start becoming my own hero, to strive to be better than the best me, to become more confident, and initially be an independent person so that I can truly live my own life and be completely happy. The fundraising deadline is a little more than a month and although I have about $1,200 left I have a plan that will help me reach my goal. On April 16 I will host a yoga fundraiser at Yoga Off Broadway in Eagle from 4:30-6:30pm. In addition to an hour long yoga class, there will be a silent auction, homemade salad dressing and a few other homemade items for sale. This will be a donation based event, suggested donation is $20. My goal for this fundraiser is about $700. I will also have a garage sale on Saturday April 23, and I hope to make $200 from that. This weekend or next weekend I will have a bake sale for the Vail ski instructors, and finally I am receiving $200-300 more in donations. I will also do some more babysitting, this should help me reach my goal by the deadline. I have worked incredibly hard these last few months and am becoming more and more prepared for this journey. The trip is quickly approaching and I could not be more excited to depart on this incredible adventure!

My Journey Continues

Everything is starting to become more and more surreal for me. I have finally grasped the fact that over the summer I will travel to Tanzania to teach children and help them in anyway I can. I am becoming more excited for this amazing experience--the more I think about it, the luckier I feel. I am only 14 and I have already been to three continents, and am traveling to my fourth. I have incredible friends and family and I live in a beautiful place. I am lucky that I can do all of the activities I love and not drive more than 45 minutes. I truly am living a dream. This is why I am thrilled to help even more children and share my love with them, as I teach to the best of my ability and hopefully create an everlasting bond with them. Although I am very excited, I still have much to do before the trip. I am a little more than halfway done with my fundraising. So far, I have participated in three holiday markets, a bake sale, and received many generous donations to raise my money. I will continue to babysit, and am thinking of more ideas that could be very successful. I am a little nervous about raising the money, but I know that if I work hard and put my best ideas into action I will reach my goal. As part of preparation for this journey it is important that I learn about the country in which I am traveling and am well informed about its history and customs. Tanzania has had a tragic history. Europeans started to explore the country in the late 1800’s. In 1885 the Germans began taking over the region, led by Karl Peters, who forced tribes to make treaties with him. As the Germans were taking over the mainland of Tanzania, the British were beginning to gain control of the island of Zanzibar around 1890. The British and Germans made a treaty that the British would have Zanzibar and the Germans would have the mainland. From the very start the native Tanzania tribes were against the Germans. The first main revolt was in 1888. It was called the Abushiri revolt and the tribes on the coast of Tanzania revolted against the Germans. However, it didn't last long because the Germans crushed them quickly. Then from 1891 to 1898 the Germans fought a war with the Hehe tribe. Ultimately the Hehe were defeated and their leader, Mkwawa, killed himself. Shortly after that, in 1905-07 came the Maji Maji rebellion. Native Tanzanians were forced to work on cotton farms and plantations. People in Southern Tanzania started to rebel, but it was not long before they were defeated. More than 100,000 people died, both from starvation and from the rebellion. Finally, Tanzania became free from the Germans after World War One had ended. The country was handed over to the British and the people of Tanzania started the African Association. Eventually, Tanzania became a free state on December 9, 1961 and became a republic a year later. Tanzania is a very unique country. It has suffered many hardships in the past but ultimately with perseverance the people came together and united as one. Tanzania is about half the size of Texas, and although it's not very large it has many incredible features to offer. It has a diverse collection of wildlife, including: giraffes, lions, cheetahs, elephants, and zebras. Mt Kilimanjaro, also towers over the African savanna. Tanzania’s main language is Swahili, and some of the main religions are Christianity and Islam. When greeting an elder you say Shikamoo as a sign of respect. Every meal is eaten with some form of carbohydrate such as rice or corn. Every ceremony that takes place in Tanzania requires a large platter of food. In one instance a pilau may be the meal. This is a dish that includes spiced rice, potato, and meat. It is considered very shameful if a guest leaves hungry from a ceremonial meal. After researching Tanzania and learning more about the customs I am even more thrilled to travel there. Not only to help children in need but to also experience Tanzania’s culture and see how other people live. I know that the world is much larger than just America and there are all kinds of sights to see, people to meet, and lessons to learn. I have made incredible bonds with children in Cambodia and Nicaragua. I still think about them everyday and know that I have impacted their lives. I would like to feel the same way after returning from Tanzania. I want focus on something bigger than myself. I want to learn how to bring all sides of me together so I can truly discover who I am. I want to help the children in Tanzania with all my capabilities, I want the experience to make me more aware, make me able to always persevere and open up to the world in ways I never thought I would.

The Start of my Journey

My name is Karlina Feduschak and I am an 9th grader at Eagle Valley High School. This will be my third year traveling with CGA. I went to Nicaragua for a week when I was in 7th grade and I traveled to Cambodia last year for three weeks. This summer I will travel to Tanzania for two weeks. In Tanzania I will be working with 11 other student volunteers, we will work in a school that has about 300 students. While in Tanzania we will teach the students and go on home visits providing children and their families basic necessities. On my trip my biggest goal is to help the children and make an impact on their lives. While doing this I believe and hope that I will learn about myself and learn more about the culture and people in Tanzania. Ever since I traveled to Nicaragua I fell in love with helping children and people in need and Cambodia solidified that. Helping people has become a part of who I am and who I would like to be. I would like to continue my journey on discovering my true self. I have many passions, I love to be active and be in nature. I play soccer and will participate in high school Nordic. I also love skiing as well as kayaking and rafting. I love to be in nature and be isolated from the real world and reality for a while. I enjoy places where I can focus on what is happening in the current moment and not be worried about what is next, it is hard to do that in the real world where everything is so fast-paced. That is why I like to escape and go on backpacking trips or rafting trips. I am extremely thrilled to embark on this new journey and experience with these other student volunteers. I cannot wait to meet all of the children at L.O.A.M.O. (the school in which we will be teaching) and help them as much as possible. I will prepare as much as I can in these next months and be as ready as possible for this incredible experience.

Teardrop Full of Love

A teardrop contains sadness, happiness, compassion, and most of all love. It can symbolize the ending of daily interaction with another individual, but the beginning of so much more. A teardrop may mean that people will break apart; however, when saying goodbye to everyone at the orphanage it meant that a stronger bond would be created. Although I will never see the children again and I was heartbroken to leave them, I can still love from 8,600 miles away. I will face many challenges in my life that I will need to overcome. Thinking about Sarat, Srey Ti, and all of the other children, I know I will be able to climb any mountain that is placed in front of me. With that, my love for the children will only grow, strengthening our bond. Before coming on this trip I was afraid I wouldn’t impact the children. I was afraid they wouldn’t remember me. I know now, however, that is not the case. On the last day at the orphanage, I was sitting on Sarat’s bed and had just given him a stuffed panda with a heart on it that said I LOVE YOU. I was holding Sarat in my arms bawling. After about 5 minutes Rath came up to us and said, “Don’t cry, be happy.” I smiled at him and wiped away a few tears. Then he said, “Tell Marika I miss her every day.” That really hit home for me because my sister, Marika, traveled to Cambodia last year. The fact that Rath remembers her and still thinks about her all the time proves that we make an impact on these kids’ lives. I may not have understood it at the time, but little gestures such as washing the kid’s clothes or teaching them the ABC’s shows them that we love them unconditionally and want to improve their living conditions. The children have helped me grow so much as a person. I have learned to appreciate my life more, live in the moment, and love more deeply.

Love

Love is unexplainable. It can cause people be happy or sad. It can cause you to laugh or cry. Love is the sun in our sky, yet the darkness that covers the Earth. The only thing about love that isn’t a mystery, is you know when it’s there. When I met the children at CPO, right away I could feel the love. Love is what pulled us together, and made me create a bond with every single child there. It inspires me to shovel dirt into a bucket in 95 degree weather. When I was sick with a fever and throat infection all I could think about were the children. I felt bad that I couldn’t help teach them or make their living conditions more comfortable. Although I could hardly swallow without grimacing in pain and was sweating like crazy, I was putting the children’s needs before my own. That is love. Saturday afternoon, Sarat and I were hanging out on the stage, drawing and making origami. I could feel our hearts beating with one another in perfect rhythm. The wind was blowing just enough to wipe the sweat off of our faces, cooling us down. I could here the roosters cocka-doodle-dooing under the stage and heard other small children giggling. Sarat grabbed my notebook and took my pen. He flipped to an empty page and started writing something. I looked away and saw smiling children everywhere. A warm calming feeling came over me and ran through my body. I felt peaceful at that moment, like there was not a care in the world. I looked back to Sarat, he pushed my notebook into my lap and scooted closer to me. The paper read “I love you” in Khmer and English. My eyes got glassy and lumps in my throat started to appear. I never knew that three words could mean so much and impact me so greatly. Although Sarat and I speak different languages and come from completely different worlds, we have an unbreakable bond that will always be intact. I believe that love is the most powerful feeling. It can build you up or break you down. It can be your darkness or your light. Love can bring people together and connect them for the remainder of their lives. The children at the orphanage have given me an incredibly large amount of love. They have made me realize that you don’t have to know someone for years and years before you can love them. There are no rules to love, you either love someone or you don’t. You can’t force or pressure love, it comes naturally. I love the children at the orphanage and because I do, I will do anything in my power to make sure they live a happy life.

The Power of Education

     Education is the life-line for children in Cambodia. Education is the key that unlocks a door of possibilities for their future. It guides them through life and is with them every step of the way. Children at CPO hardly have anything. They live in a small dorms with 9 to 17 other people. They have no parents to guide them through life, and the conditions in which they live are definitely not hygienic. Although these children don't have much, they bring happiness, knowledge, and excitement into the classroom. The Cambodian kids love to go to school and learn. School is the their escape from all of the difficult things going on in their lives. All of the children are eager to learn each day and don't want to leave school. When I was teaching in a level 3 classroom I was instructed the teach pronunciation. I had the class read sentences that I was writing on the board and I told them how to pronounce them correctly. Class was almost over but the children wanted to continue reading the sentences, even after class time had ended. It surprised me so much because in America, students want to leave school and try to get the teacher to let class out early. However, in Cambodia the children always want to read one more sentence and keep learning. The students eagerly shoot their hand up when asked a question and compete to get called on.

     Whenever I walk into the school my heart is filled with joy. I get to see these incredible kids learn English which will help them throughout the rest of their lives. Almost any well-paying job in Cambodia requires you to speak English. These kids that live in the orphanage don't have money to support them the rest of their lives. They need to get a good job in order to live on their own and possibly even raise a family one day. In the couple of days I have taught at the school I have learned that education is so much more than just going to school and learning various things. It's more powerful than the ocean. It can stop wars, create peace, and improve a country. Education is why I am here helping these children, and even writing this blog. It can create a bond between two people that will never be broken. Parents in Cambodia and this village area don't realize the power of education, they want their child to live for now and help support the family. Many don't want their child to have the only key that will open the door to a better future. This is astonishing to me because I have so much support from my parents and sister with my education. I couldn't imagine them not thinking about my future and knowing the potential I have.

Dancing in the Rain

A spider web clutches onto my hair as I pick up another piece of trash. My legs are sore from crouching, my knees are sore from kneeling, and my back is sore from bending, but I push all of the aches aside and keep working. I peer out from under the stage and see the trees rattling from the huge gusts of wind. The sky is getting darker and layers of clouds are starting to build up. Bye hot weather hello rain, we welcome you with open arms. I resume my work to find picking up one piece of trash reveals 10 others that I hadn’t seen before. I sigh, but work as efficiently as possible so I can get the job done. I move to the next section under the stage just as I hear a loud crackling from above. I look out and quickly realize that it’s only the rain. I see everyone rushing under the shelter to be protected from the mighty downpour. I glance over at Zoe and we both rush outside. We lift up our arms to embrace the rain. I notice that the other student volunteers have come out on the rain as well, however I don’t see many children. I beckon for Sarat, one of the boys at the orphanage, to join me. After a few moments he hesitantly walks out with a volleyball. Sarat tosses it in the air and slaps his hand against the ball, it comes hurtling at me at an impressive speed. The two of us hit it back and forth a few times before we start playing soccer, or how Sarat likes to play, kick the ball at me as hard as you can. Other children and student volunteers join us and we switch from soccer to monkey in the middle to volleyball again. I had the most incredible time playing in the rain with all of the children and, most of all, I loved seeing the smiles on their faces and the sparkle in their eyes. While I was playing in the rain I realized that life will never go as planned, unexpected things will always show up and be present, but its important to cope with what is thrown at you and make the most out of every situation. Sometimes the most amazing times are from going out into the unknown and traveling beyond the fence that blocks you from experiencing new things. Life isn’t about shutting down whenever unexpected, new or things you don’t like come along, its about learning how to dance in the rain.