The Start of my Journey

My name is Karlina Feduschak and I am an 9th grader at Eagle Valley High School. This will be my third year traveling with CGA. I went to Nicaragua for a week when I was in 7th grade and I traveled to Cambodia last year for three weeks. This summer I will travel to Tanzania for two weeks. In Tanzania I will be working with 11 other student volunteers, we will work in a school that has about 300 students. While in Tanzania we will teach the students and go on home visits providing children and their families basic necessities. On my trip my biggest goal is to help the children and make an impact on their lives. While doing this I believe and hope that I will learn about myself and learn more about the culture and people in Tanzania. Ever since I traveled to Nicaragua I fell in love with helping children and people in need and Cambodia solidified that. Helping people has become a part of who I am and who I would like to be. I would like to continue my journey on discovering my true self. I have many passions, I love to be active and be in nature. I play soccer and will participate in high school Nordic. I also love skiing as well as kayaking and rafting. I love to be in nature and be isolated from the real world and reality for a while. I enjoy places where I can focus on what is happening in the current moment and not be worried about what is next, it is hard to do that in the real world where everything is so fast-paced. That is why I like to escape and go on backpacking trips or rafting trips. I am extremely thrilled to embark on this new journey and experience with these other student volunteers. I cannot wait to meet all of the children at L.O.A.M.O. (the school in which we will be teaching) and help them as much as possible. I will prepare as much as I can in these next months and be as ready as possible for this incredible experience.

Teardrop Full of Love

A teardrop contains sadness, happiness, compassion, and most of all love. It can symbolize the ending of daily interaction with another individual, but the beginning of so much more. A teardrop may mean that people will break apart; however, when saying goodbye to everyone at the orphanage it meant that a stronger bond would be created. Although I will never see the children again and I was heartbroken to leave them, I can still love from 8,600 miles away. I will face many challenges in my life that I will need to overcome. Thinking about Sarat, Srey Ti, and all of the other children, I know I will be able to climb any mountain that is placed in front of me. With that, my love for the children will only grow, strengthening our bond. Before coming on this trip I was afraid I wouldn’t impact the children. I was afraid they wouldn’t remember me. I know now, however, that is not the case. On the last day at the orphanage, I was sitting on Sarat’s bed and had just given him a stuffed panda with a heart on it that said I LOVE YOU. I was holding Sarat in my arms bawling. After about 5 minutes Rath came up to us and said, “Don’t cry, be happy.” I smiled at him and wiped away a few tears. Then he said, “Tell Marika I miss her every day.” That really hit home for me because my sister, Marika, traveled to Cambodia last year. The fact that Rath remembers her and still thinks about her all the time proves that we make an impact on these kids’ lives. I may not have understood it at the time, but little gestures such as washing the kid’s clothes or teaching them the ABC’s shows them that we love them unconditionally and want to improve their living conditions. The children have helped me grow so much as a person. I have learned to appreciate my life more, live in the moment, and love more deeply.

Love

Love is unexplainable. It can cause people be happy or sad. It can cause you to laugh or cry. Love is the sun in our sky, yet the darkness that covers the Earth. The only thing about love that isn’t a mystery, is you know when it’s there. When I met the children at CPO, right away I could feel the love. Love is what pulled us together, and made me create a bond with every single child there. It inspires me to shovel dirt into a bucket in 95 degree weather. When I was sick with a fever and throat infection all I could think about were the children. I felt bad that I couldn’t help teach them or make their living conditions more comfortable. Although I could hardly swallow without grimacing in pain and was sweating like crazy, I was putting the children’s needs before my own. That is love. Saturday afternoon, Sarat and I were hanging out on the stage, drawing and making origami. I could feel our hearts beating with one another in perfect rhythm. The wind was blowing just enough to wipe the sweat off of our faces, cooling us down. I could here the roosters cocka-doodle-dooing under the stage and heard other small children giggling. Sarat grabbed my notebook and took my pen. He flipped to an empty page and started writing something. I looked away and saw smiling children everywhere. A warm calming feeling came over me and ran through my body. I felt peaceful at that moment, like there was not a care in the world. I looked back to Sarat, he pushed my notebook into my lap and scooted closer to me. The paper read “I love you” in Khmer and English. My eyes got glassy and lumps in my throat started to appear. I never knew that three words could mean so much and impact me so greatly. Although Sarat and I speak different languages and come from completely different worlds, we have an unbreakable bond that will always be intact. I believe that love is the most powerful feeling. It can build you up or break you down. It can be your darkness or your light. Love can bring people together and connect them for the remainder of their lives. The children at the orphanage have given me an incredibly large amount of love. They have made me realize that you don’t have to know someone for years and years before you can love them. There are no rules to love, you either love someone or you don’t. You can’t force or pressure love, it comes naturally. I love the children at the orphanage and because I do, I will do anything in my power to make sure they live a happy life.

The Power of Education

     Education is the life-line for children in Cambodia. Education is the key that unlocks a door of possibilities for their future. It guides them through life and is with them every step of the way. Children at CPO hardly have anything. They live in a small dorms with 9 to 17 other people. They have no parents to guide them through life, and the conditions in which they live are definitely not hygienic. Although these children don't have much, they bring happiness, knowledge, and excitement into the classroom. The Cambodian kids love to go to school and learn. School is the their escape from all of the difficult things going on in their lives. All of the children are eager to learn each day and don't want to leave school. When I was teaching in a level 3 classroom I was instructed the teach pronunciation. I had the class read sentences that I was writing on the board and I told them how to pronounce them correctly. Class was almost over but the children wanted to continue reading the sentences, even after class time had ended. It surprised me so much because in America, students want to leave school and try to get the teacher to let class out early. However, in Cambodia the children always want to read one more sentence and keep learning. The students eagerly shoot their hand up when asked a question and compete to get called on.

     Whenever I walk into the school my heart is filled with joy. I get to see these incredible kids learn English which will help them throughout the rest of their lives. Almost any well-paying job in Cambodia requires you to speak English. These kids that live in the orphanage don't have money to support them the rest of their lives. They need to get a good job in order to live on their own and possibly even raise a family one day. In the couple of days I have taught at the school I have learned that education is so much more than just going to school and learning various things. It's more powerful than the ocean. It can stop wars, create peace, and improve a country. Education is why I am here helping these children, and even writing this blog. It can create a bond between two people that will never be broken. Parents in Cambodia and this village area don't realize the power of education, they want their child to live for now and help support the family. Many don't want their child to have the only key that will open the door to a better future. This is astonishing to me because I have so much support from my parents and sister with my education. I couldn't imagine them not thinking about my future and knowing the potential I have.

Dancing in the Rain

A spider web clutches onto my hair as I pick up another piece of trash. My legs are sore from crouching, my knees are sore from kneeling, and my back is sore from bending, but I push all of the aches aside and keep working. I peer out from under the stage and see the trees rattling from the huge gusts of wind. The sky is getting darker and layers of clouds are starting to build up. Bye hot weather hello rain, we welcome you with open arms. I resume my work to find picking up one piece of trash reveals 10 others that I hadn’t seen before. I sigh, but work as efficiently as possible so I can get the job done. I move to the next section under the stage just as I hear a loud crackling from above. I look out and quickly realize that it’s only the rain. I see everyone rushing under the shelter to be protected from the mighty downpour. I glance over at Zoe and we both rush outside. We lift up our arms to embrace the rain. I notice that the other student volunteers have come out on the rain as well, however I don’t see many children. I beckon for Sarat, one of the boys at the orphanage, to join me. After a few moments he hesitantly walks out with a volleyball. Sarat tosses it in the air and slaps his hand against the ball, it comes hurtling at me at an impressive speed. The two of us hit it back and forth a few times before we start playing soccer, or how Sarat likes to play, kick the ball at me as hard as you can. Other children and student volunteers join us and we switch from soccer to monkey in the middle to volleyball again. I had the most incredible time playing in the rain with all of the children and, most of all, I loved seeing the smiles on their faces and the sparkle in their eyes. While I was playing in the rain I realized that life will never go as planned, unexpected things will always show up and be present, but its important to cope with what is thrown at you and make the most out of every situation. Sometimes the most amazing times are from going out into the unknown and traveling beyond the fence that blocks you from experiencing new things. Life isn’t about shutting down whenever unexpected, new or things you don’t like come along, its about learning how to dance in the rain.

So Close

 For this blog assignment we had to answer a few questions. The first one asked if the experience so far had been difficult or easy, and why. So far my experience getting ready for Cambodia has been fairly difficult. I have had to study hard for the Khmer quizzes because the very first one didn't go very well. I don't like not doing well on anything, so the first quiz score upset me quite a bit. However, I picked myself back up and started to study and practice the language. It wasn't just the fear of failing that motivated me to practice though. I thought about the kids and how last year in Nicaragua I didn't practice Spanish as hard as I could have, which made it incredibly difficult for me to connect with the kids.  I really don't want that to happen again and know that I will be able to have a deeper connection with them and be able to help them even more if I practice hard and am able to understand and speak some Khmer. Although the language takes constant studying I am determined to learn it and that has made it a bit easier.

    Going into this trip I have many many fears. I am afraid that I will not be as impactful on the children and their lives as I am capable of. I know that these children have a hard life and I it saddens me to see people, especially children, live in those conditions. I want to do everything I can to help the children out. I want to leave Cambodia with the children remembering me and them being happy because I did make such a big impact on them. I want to help the children in any way possible and have them make a deep connection with me, it scares me that this may not be the case. To overcome this I will do anything anyone asks me to, whether it's cleaning some rooms or reading to the children, I will always be there for them and try to have as much fun with the children as possible. Another one of my fears or something that I'm dreading is leaving the children. I hope to make a very deep connection with the children on this trip. However the whole time I will be dreading the end and leaving the incredible children.   Although this will be at the back of my mind, the kids in Nicaragua taught me to live in the moment, so I will try to push the thought aside and enjoy my time with them.

    One of my personal goals for this trip is to understand how lucky I am. Last year Nicaragua opened up my eyes in so many different ways. Although I am more aware of what is going on in this world I don't think I would fully understand how some people's lives are unless I had the opportunity to see it firsthand.  Every one of these trips I take I hope my eyes will open farther and farther so that I can see the world more clearly. I want to be the most grateful I can be and understand that I am incredibly lucky, but I can only do that if I continue to venture out and experience new things. Another one of my personal goals is that I hope to learn more about myself. I am still young and I know that I have my whole life to figure out who I want to be, but Nicaragua has shown me a different part of myself that I would like to rediscover in Cambodia. I never knew I could fall in love with children that I had only met a day or two ago, I want to find that loving, carefree part of myself again. Even though I can let loose and have fun fairly easily, this is different. I felt as though the children had opened a door and a new person had walked in but it was still me. I want that same person to come back while I'm in Cambodia and this time, stay.

Living on one Dollar

      The most profound thing I saw in the documentary is the amazing community the people lived in. The Pena Blanca village in Guatemala was really like family. When one man's wife was dying, he didn't have enough money to pay for her medical bills, much less take her to the doctor. His neighbor willingly paid all of the bills for him, even though it cut into his expenses. Things like this are priceless, the love that individuals in this village had for one another was incredible.  Here in the United States the communities are varied. There are some communities in this country that think of one another as family and have an incredible bond. There are some communities however, that hardly know each other and don't make an effort to be a good neighbor and get involved with activities within the community. I believe that the Vail Valley has a very strong community and lots of people know each other and have for many years. Although this is the case I do not think, for example, that a neighbor would pay for another  ones medical bills especially if they themselves weren't financially stable. I don't think that many communities in the U.S. would have that strong of a bond and put a neighbors needs before their own. 

If I had grown up in those conditions I believe I could survive, though it would be incredibly difficult. I think I could do it because that's all I would know. I wouldn't know what it feels like to live in a big enough house where I could I have my own room and many bathrooms and a good size kitchen, or where my parents could afford to send me to college and primary school. If I had not grown up in these conditions and I was living like this for even a little bit I do not think that I could survive. I use technology for almost everything, whether it's snapchatting or texting my friends to trying to type a paper for school or looking at what the weather is going to be like for the next day. Honestly it would be one of the biggest challenges of my life to live without technology and electricity. I use these things for many day-to-day things that I don't even realize.  That's just the beginning of living in poverty though. These people hardly eat anything all day.  They work from dusk to dawn and most of them don't to school or only go to school for a little bit. Thinking about living in poverty is incredibly difficult for me because even though I have seen what it's like and have been to Nicaragua it is still a much different experience than actually living it. However, based on my lifestyle and how I live I do not think that I could go from my fast paced life to living in poverty. 

I think the most difficult part of living in poverty would be the inability to feed my family or children and know that I wouldn't be able to pay for their education. In the documentary, one of the villagers said that you have to choose between feeding your children or sending them to school. That would be heartbreaking for me. If I were a mom, I would want what is best for my children and give them the best life I could, if I couldn't do that, it would kill me. Also, seeing that my children wouldn't be able to follow their dreams or really be a kid because they barely get any food would be so challenging and sad for me. In the documentary one of the dad's said that his children don't have enough energy to play, they just lie around because that's all they have energy to do. 

My values and those of the villagers in Guatemala are very similar. Like the Guatemalans in the video I value education, food, water, hard work, and shelter, plus many other things. I work very hard in school so that I can continue my education and go to a good collage so that when I am older I can get a well-paying job and provide for myself. I also am very grateful that I can have my own room and can eat more than enough food. Sometimes I do stop and think how lucky I am and I understand it much more after going to Nicaragua  However, I still take most of these things for granted. I complain that I have to go to school, I many times whine that my parents need to go to the store because we have no food even though our pantry and fridge is packed ful of food, am careless when running water, and get lazy when I have to do work. So I take even the things I value for granted. Whereas with the villagers, they hardly get any food, drink unclean water, can't afford education, and have to work incredibly hard every day in order to receive their small paycheck, yet they are still incredibly happy and make the most of their life. 

I will apply my knowledge from the documentary to my work in Cambodia in many ways. First I know, even after going to Nicaragua, I will go into Cambodia more empathetic towards the children. Because of this, I will be more motivated to help the children as much as I can and be able to make a bigger impact on their lives. Not only that but the children living in the orphanage live in similar conditions to the people in the video. Since this is the case I have a better idea of how I can help the children. For example, I understand that education is very important because if you are educated you can provide for your family and make a better life for yourself and them. Because of this is will put extra work into making sure the children understand the concept I am teaching or helping them with.  I will not move on until I know that every child has a clear understanding. I have been to Nicaragua and seen what poverty looks like and the effects it has on people. I will put every ounce of effort into this service trip cleaning the children's sleeping quarters and doing any repair work on the orphanage or giving supplies out to people in the slums. I will do whatever it takes to help these children have a better life and know that they have a bright future. They just need to work hard and believe in themselves. 

About Cambodia

     Khmer Rouge: The Khmer Rouge was a communist movement that started a civil war in Cambodia. They took over the government in 1975 and then stopped ruling in 1979. Even though they were only ruling for 4 years the Khmer Rouge killed about 1/3 of the people in the country. That’s about 2.7 million people. The Khmer Rouge represented themselves by wearing all black-they are also known as the Revolutionary Soldiers or The Organization. The Organization discouraged intelligence and killed and tortured people with glasses, teachers, doctors, monks, or other rich, important or smart people. Millions of families were separated because the Khmer Rouge didn’t want people plotting a rebellion. In addition, fathers were separated from their families and forced to be a soldier or taken away and killed. Most of the country worked in fields or labor camps all day. They were starved with barely enough food to live, they were fed only rice and sometimes an oatmeal substance. They were forced to work long, horrible hours and sleep deprived, so even though millions of people weren’t in prison or torture centers they were still pushing their bodied to the limits and on the verge of dying.  

S-21 Prison: This prison was one of the most brutal torture and execution centers ever. It was first a school but in 1976, a year after the Khmer rouge started ruling, became a prison. This center was so brutal that only 7 out of 14,000 prisoners survived. Kangkechleu was the head of the S-21 prison and he believed that torture would lead to the truth, and because of this many inmates were forced to make up false information to stop being tortured. There were many different way of torture and killing, and the only way that they did not kill people was with using guns because they were too expensive. This was one of many torture centers in Cambodia during the Khmer Rouge.

The Killing Fields: The killing fields were where the Khmer Rouge brought people to be executed. People were executed for, many times, no reason at all and other times for unacceptable reasons. A few of the main reasons is because people had pale skin, smooth hands, or wore glasses. These people were executed because if you had glasses the Khmer Rouge thought you were smart, if you had smooth skin they would execute you because you’re rich and if you were pale you were the “enemy.” The Khmer Rouge soldiers would bring people at night in trucks. They would tell them that they were being released but they weren’t. They would sometimes push them into big pits and bury them alive, but they also clubbed them to death, then pushed them into pits. These killing fields were located all around the country and millions of people were buried here.

Religion: The main religion in Cambodia is Buddhism. 95% of the country is Buddhism and 5% is Christianity and Hinduism. There are many temples with monks that live in them even to this day, they are a large tourist attraction in the country as well. There are three main symbols of Buddhism-the wheel, the lotus flower, and Buddha. The wheel represents reincarnation, the lotus flowered represents luck, and Buddha is the main symbol of the religion. Everybody who is Buddhist believes in Nirvana. Nirvana is the amazing after life that everyone wants to reach. They believe that everything you do in your lifetime affects your next lifetime. If you are a caring, good person then you will live a better life in your next lifetime and you will be closer to reaching Nirvana.

Government: Cambodia has had a long history with its government. In 1863 Cambodia became a protectorate of France. Then, in 1946 an armed campaign took place to free the country from France. Cambodia finally was no longer under France’s power in 1953. After Cambodia broke free from France they also broke off their relations with the US. Lon Nol served two terms of Prime Minister of Cambodia-he was elected in 1966 and again in 1969. During the Khmer Rouge the Cambodian currency (riel) was worthless. After the Khmer Rouge reign was overthrown, Cambodia retained their seat in the UN in 1981. Today Norodom Sihomoni is the king of Cambodia, and Hun Sen is the Prime Minister who was reelected in 2004. Cambodia is currently a constitutional monarchy.

Economy: The economy in Cambodia is very similar to other Asian countries. 35% of agriculture contributes to Cambodia’s economy and 55% of Cambodia’s population are in the agricultural business. Most of the rice farms in Cambodia are located in the eastern and southwestern parts of the country. A few products produced are corn, silk, and rubber. A few exported goods are tobacco, clothing, fish and rice. Some imported goods are gold items, oil and machines. Although Cambodia is a small country it trades with some of the world powers. Cambodia’s trading partners include Western Europe, U.S.A, and other East Asian countries. Cambodia also attracts millions of tourists each year, contributing about $1.7 billion to its economy. Tourism has created 300,000 jobs for Cambodian citizens. Some of the popular tourist locations are the royal palace, the Angkor Wat temples, the genocide museum, and the S-21 killing fields. An average Cambodian makes about $1.25 a day. 16% of people work in industry and 27% work in service business.

Culture: Cambodia has a culture that is based around respecting elders as well as very specific meanings around body parts.  In Cambodia it is considered very rude to point your feet at someone because they are the lowest part of your body. It is also very rude to cross your legs in in a person’s house. It is also a custom to remove your hat when entering a building. In Cambodia your head is a sacred part of your body. While sitting down you must always sit lower than elders. Men do not show many feelings because it is a sign of weakness.  This is similar to the Khmer Rouge regime-the only difference is that if men showed emotion during the ruling of the Khmer Rouge they would most likely be killed. In addition, women do not wear too much perfume, just enough. Finally, another of the many customs is to never touch a Buddhist statue.

Going to Cambodia I will definitely face situations out of my comfort zone. For instance the culture is very different so I will have to learn quickly and make sure I do not offend anyone while in the country. The Khmer Rouge was a terrible part of Cambodia’s history and I know people will mention it to me. Even though I have just researched it I will still have a hard time talking about it to people because because it so brutal and millions of people died from it. From going to Cambodia I will change a lot even prior to meeting the children just experiencing the culture and seeing all the people because it is so different from our country.