So Close

 For this blog assignment we had to answer a few questions. The first one asked if the experience so far had been difficult or easy, and why. So far my experience getting ready for Cambodia has been fairly difficult. I have had to study hard for the Khmer quizzes because the very first one didn't go very well. I don't like not doing well on anything, so the first quiz score upset me quite a bit. However, I picked myself back up and started to study and practice the language. It wasn't just the fear of failing that motivated me to practice though. I thought about the kids and how last year in Nicaragua I didn't practice Spanish as hard as I could have, which made it incredibly difficult for me to connect with the kids.  I really don't want that to happen again and know that I will be able to have a deeper connection with them and be able to help them even more if I practice hard and am able to understand and speak some Khmer. Although the language takes constant studying I am determined to learn it and that has made it a bit easier.

    Going into this trip I have many many fears. I am afraid that I will not be as impactful on the children and their lives as I am capable of. I know that these children have a hard life and I it saddens me to see people, especially children, live in those conditions. I want to do everything I can to help the children out. I want to leave Cambodia with the children remembering me and them being happy because I did make such a big impact on them. I want to help the children in any way possible and have them make a deep connection with me, it scares me that this may not be the case. To overcome this I will do anything anyone asks me to, whether it's cleaning some rooms or reading to the children, I will always be there for them and try to have as much fun with the children as possible. Another one of my fears or something that I'm dreading is leaving the children. I hope to make a very deep connection with the children on this trip. However the whole time I will be dreading the end and leaving the incredible children.   Although this will be at the back of my mind, the kids in Nicaragua taught me to live in the moment, so I will try to push the thought aside and enjoy my time with them.

    One of my personal goals for this trip is to understand how lucky I am. Last year Nicaragua opened up my eyes in so many different ways. Although I am more aware of what is going on in this world I don't think I would fully understand how some people's lives are unless I had the opportunity to see it firsthand.  Every one of these trips I take I hope my eyes will open farther and farther so that I can see the world more clearly. I want to be the most grateful I can be and understand that I am incredibly lucky, but I can only do that if I continue to venture out and experience new things. Another one of my personal goals is that I hope to learn more about myself. I am still young and I know that I have my whole life to figure out who I want to be, but Nicaragua has shown me a different part of myself that I would like to rediscover in Cambodia. I never knew I could fall in love with children that I had only met a day or two ago, I want to find that loving, carefree part of myself again. Even though I can let loose and have fun fairly easily, this is different. I felt as though the children had opened a door and a new person had walked in but it was still me. I want that same person to come back while I'm in Cambodia and this time, stay.